We all had a profession we wanted to be when we grew up. The usual doctors, lawyers, astronauts, photographers, or in my case, a musician, writer and actress. But why do we identify with any of those said professions? For me, it meant accomplishment, recognition, creative outlet, time freedom, financial freedom and making a positive impact in the lives of millions of people. Those 6 factors make up the ingredients of my purpose on earth.
So then, what happens? We go after them. Sometimes for many years. Through failure and success. But, so many times there comes a moment when we decide that we can live without the ingredients that lead us to our potential. We get tired, we get jaded, we get broke.
My identity has shifted so much over the years. I’ve been painfully shy, a social butterfly, an actress, a model, a fiancee, a wife, a mother, a military wife, a home business owner and more. I’ve realized that my path doesn’t matter as much as how my path makes me feel. My path could have any label or street sign above it as long as it leads me to where I know I can unleash my ultimate potential and then live in that state of being for the rest of my life. I could be walking down the “actress” path, the “network marketer” path or “real estate” path as long as all my ingredients are included and combined in a way that fills my soul with the nutrition it needs to thrive and fulfill my life’s purpose.
I’ve realized, that profession means feelings. Not job title.
Through my many identities over the years, my path has changed. And I’ve fought the social norms that accompany going against the grain. I’ve never chosen an easy path. And I don’t know why. I’ve always gravitated towards the ones with a 99.9% failure rate. And then I’m surprised why it is so hard or why I haven’t hit the level of success that I feel I can earn in the time frames I give myself.
Old patterns are hard to break though. It took me 25 years of living in the same cycle to escape the circumstances I was raised in. But once I did, I started to thrive for the first time in my life. But it wasn’t what I thought it would be. Retraining 25 years of habits can’t happen overnight or even in a few years. In fact, I’ve probably spent close to $30k learning the success habits I need to combine my life purpose ingredients in the best way for me to try to tap into the energy of my soul and find true empowerment. And the perfectionist in me feels I was probably a bit hasty in saying yes to so many willing to sell me a personal development program or mentorship program in exchange for selling a product. But the shaman in me reminds that it was what I needed at the time to grow closer to the person I need to become.
I’ve always felt this dissonance in my soul. Sometimes its quiet and creates music in the space around me. That’s when I know I’m aligned with the right thing at the right time. And sometimes the colliding notes grows so eerie I can’t hear anything past the immediate things that need to be changed. And that’s when I need to do the hard things. The things I don’t want to do but know need to be done. But the worst time is when all I feel inside is silence. Because that is when I have no idea what to do.
Every stage in our lives prepares us for how we need to grow to reach the next one. And right now I’ve been faced with silence for many months. And it’s been rough.
I sometimes catch myself saying “I’m surviving right now”. But, there is nothing worse than labeling yourself a survivor. Because surviving is barely living. And barely living keeps you stuck.
I know failure is required for success. But I’d love to stop fighting the 99.9% for a little while. I’d love to enjoy being where I am at now. I’d love to stop worrying about finding capital for business ownership. I’d love to play in the sand with my son and enjoy the last few weeks I have with him as an only child. I’d love to finish updating and decorating my house and live in a space that reflects who I am and a place I feel proud of. I’d love to work in an industry where I can teach others what I have learned, help them over the rough patches in their lives and make a difference for millions that are going through what I’ve been through. I’d love to stop chasing money and live first. And I’d love a mentor that could teach me how to do all these things without spending thousands of dollars first or requiring me to build a company’s dream by selling that company’s products. And if there isn’t anything out there like this, then maybe I need to invent it.
I’ve realized that being involved with something that technically includes all the ingredients of my life purpose isn’t enough. I need to make sure that they come from a place I agree with. Processed ingredients and raw ingredients yield totally different results. One leads to disease and misery and the other leads to vitality and longevity. As I grow and dive deeper in my personal development journey, I’m getting more in tune with these specific details. And the more I tune in, the easier it is for me to say no to things I would originally say yes to. And say yes to things I would have never thought I would say yes to. Growth and change are amazing.
Although I don’t know the street sign above my path right now, and the walk is quiet, I know that I’m still headed towards progression. Sometimes you just have to point your compass north and see where doing the right things for you at the right time for you will take you. And when you can see more, you will know more and can choose more effectively the title of the path you need to walk to reach who you really want to be. And find comfort in the temporary moments where you don’t always have to know to keep progressing.